Land Down Under

That's certainly a CRUDE title...but it made me giggle as I wrote it.  (I would blame it on the 13 year old I live with rubbing off on me....)

Wednesday was our first early out of the school year.  I tried to get as many appointments taken care of BEFORE school started so that I could be present during PD and not have to write sub plans.  When I met with my OBGYN about my hysterectomy consult, she'd told me to call and get on the schedule, and said I could always cancel if needed.  WELLLLLL....I tried that but ended up having to make an appointment to sign. consent. forms.  Really?  A quarter day to sign forms?  Yup.  AND she made me step on the scale and have my blood pressure taken.....for forms.  ANNOYED.  

I did ask if the cramping I've been experiencing could be from the Lupron and Anastrozole, and Dr. Masse said, "hmmmmm.  Not usually.  When's the last time you had an ultrasound?"  LORD.  "14 years ago."  "Let's see if we can get you in for an ultrasound just to make sure nothing else is going on.  I can do your endometrial biopsy now, too."  (Apparently an endometrial biopsy is standard before a hysterectomy.). Anyway, I didn't really panic after that conversation, but did say some swear words and "what if's" in my head.  I guess I'm to the point where I'd rather know and get whatever taken care of that needs to be taken care of.

So...Endometrial Biopsy.  Not fun.  I guess I haven't met a single person who LIKES going to the OBGYN, but that hurt.  Not for long.  But owie!  An internal ultrasound?  Also not fun.  Not painful, but awkward.  Dr. Masse messaged me early the next day that they found several small fibroids on the ultrasound and that could be what's causing the cramping, but that often Lupron makes those better.  An hour later she messaged that the biopsy was benign!  Good news!  (It also makes me wonder if she was worried so put a rush on those results....)

I scheduled a hysterectomy for December 5.  Although she said I might have to sign other consent forms that day because it's so far out!  Ha!  I was hoping for the Monday before Thanksgiving to maximize school breaks and fewer sub plans...alas, she only does surgery on Thursdays, so I will be able to use Thanksgiving break to write sub plans if needed!  Fun!  I am to expect a 6 week recovery, so that would put me going back to work on January 17, which is a teacher work day right before MLK Day.  When I left the OBGYN office on Wednesday I felt a LOT of doubt about moving forward with the procedure.

Thursday I had to take another quarter day to have a check up with Dr. Bodine (radiation oncologist).  It's been a month since I finished radiation!  Anna, one of my July Besties (daily radiation tech), visited me in the waiting room and gave me a hug- that made my day!  Dr. Bodine thought my skin looked good.  I asked him about numbness near my armpit incision, he said it may or may not stay that way because of the nerves they had to cut through.  I also asked about the lumpy-bumpiness of my breast- he said that's normal from scar tissue, but if I ever noticed anything new to contact him or Dr. Torstenson(breast surgeon).  I thought I might graduate from him on Thursday, but I get to see him in 5 months (6 months after radiation ended)- THEN I "graduate."  This IS the guy whose wife is the accompanist at Nolan's school and whose son sits next to Nolan in choir...which is kind of cool....but also he's seen my boob.  A lot.  And now I have to look at him at concerts and pretend he hasn't.  I can do hard things.

After Dr. Bodine I got to see Reilly (my therapist).  I've asked every medical professional I've seen, friend, people who've had hysterectomies, people who've had prophylactic surgeries, family, basically anyone who will listen and wants to weigh in (if you, Dear Reader, would like to weigh in, please do not hesitate to message me!) what I should do about the hysterectomy.  Basically my mom was the only one on the fence.  I did have a friend suggest waiting a year.  Reilly asked me if there was anyone else I needed to talk to, to help with the decision.  I had to say Jason!  We just hadn't had a chance to connect and really talk about it.  I mean, my body, my choice, but we needed to TALK about it.

Fast forward to Saturday- Jason and Nolan had tickets to the Iowa vs Iowa State game- I went along for the ride.  I'm a BIG fan of windshield time to discuss all of the world's problems.  We finally had a chance to loop Nolan in on ALL the things, perhaps the words reproductive organs, uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes and cervix are less embarrassing to a 13 year old boy than the words breast or boob.  After a brief convo, he excused himself to his headphones and Jason and I continued.  At one point he reiterated, "And this is what ALL of your doctors have said THEY would do?"  I said yes, and he said, "well I think you have your answer then."  It was like a calm came over me, and since that conversation have felt at peace with this decision(I even bought comfy recovery pjs at Costco😂).  Stay tuned on if that peace stays.

I feel enormous guilt at the prospect of being gone from school for 21 days.  I will miss a winter choir concert and each of my classes 7 times.  I will need to have my ducks in a row when I return for February concerts and everything I missed!  I just really want to close this chapter!