Punched in the Gut

4/18/24

Today was first grade concert day! WOOHOO!  The dress rehearsals were great.  

At 3:15 I had a minute to check email and saw an email from Kali my nurse navigator, I sent her an email last night with a few questions I've thought of since our appointment on Friday.  She responded with all of the answers and that she had my MRI results, how would I like to receive those....she'd be in the office until 3?  Notice above I said 3:15 is when I checked my email.  Eff.  I called Katzmann asking someone to call me and Trish the breast navigator in imaging.  Trish called me back.  Bless her.  A lymph node on the right side lit up in my MRI and a 5mm lesion lit up in my left breast.  Damnit.  Trish told me that anything that's not normal tissue lights up in an MRI, that doesn't necessarily mean cancer.  It might mean a cyst or something.  

So.  Now I *get* to go Tuesday afternoon to have more imaging.  Lucky me.  They're going to ultrasound and mammogram and if the radiologist determines I need a biopsy they'll do it right then.  If needed, these will be sitting up, ultrasound guided, core needle biopsies.   I got this news at about 4:50.  Mom picked me up to go back to school at 5:15.  

The concerts were great.  Truly.  Adorable kids, an audience willing to participate in what I asked them to do, wonderful.  And now they are over.  I need to get the 5th grade concert done on 5/2 and I'll feel a lot better about school things.

We always go out after a concert, and since Eason had their 5th grade concert tonight, too, mom, Jason and I met the Eason music crew at Barntown.  It was fun to see them, and give Becky a hug, that was maybe too long for my current emotional state.  (Becky, you have to stop hugging me or I will cry.). JoAnna happened to be there, too, so I was appreciative of a squeeze from her!  As the evening progressed I realized it was probably not a great idea for me to go out tonight.  

I've been doing so well, and have been so positive.  It wasn't an act!  And today I feel like I've been punched in the gut.  I'm probably feeling the crummiest I've felt since diagnosis day.  I was looking forward to not writing sub plans next week, and doing the treatment plan that was initially planned.  I was looking forward to a weekend of rest and catch up, writing thank yous and starting to think about how I can get ahead for May.  Now I'm going to add wrapping my brain around other "what ifs" to my weekend to do list.  And sports bra shopping....barf.

This one's a downer y'all.  #reality


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