4/20

 1/5 done with radiation.  Yesterday I was a grump.  Radiation was fine, but I was just pissed off that this is my July 2024 story.  I did have my second therapy session...which was good, but I really wanted to not cry in front of her until at LEAST the 4th session...and I failed.  

I'm struggling with feeling sorry for myself, while STILL knowing how lucky I am compared to many.  I am counting down the days of radiation because I want it to be over, but that means I'm also counting down the days of summer which I DON'T want to be over!

I was given permission, which I'd kind-of already granted myself, to take it easy this month, give myself grace, and treat myself.  (I need to find treats other than food....oi.)

Last night my treat was hanging out with The Aunties.  It definitely improved my mood!  Talking about everything and nothing.  It's my favorite!  The thought occurred to me once to not drink while doing radiation...but friends and Mexican call for margaritas.  So I broke that self-imposed rule on day three....grace.

Today I woke up feeling better and more positive.  Radiation was okay, and I met with Dr. Bodine- which I will do every Thursday during treatment.  He asked how I was feeling and if I had any questions.  I'm tired, but really I think that's just me...maybe some jet lag, but mostly just me.  They told me the exhaustion that may accompany radiation usually comes at the end of the second or third week.   

I shared my curiosity about the crazy thick door that shuts me in the room, and asked how this is impacting the rest of my body.  He reminded me that while I am in the room for 5 minutes the people who work in the building are there every day, all day- so for public health measures the doors and walls have to make it safe for everyone.  It was a good reminder that it's not ALL about ME!  Gasp!  And, while the radiation is targeting my breast, it's a lower dose than it would be if it were targeting other parts of my body.

Following radiation today I met Amanda for the best avocado toast and paddle boarding.  My second time.  All was well until stupid flies started biting my ankles....luckily we were close to shore.  I was most concerned about my sunglasses and pride.

I feel like our house is still in shambles from the trip and much of tomorrow and Saturday will be spent packing Nolan and Jason for BSA Camp in Missouri.  I have all next week to pick up and organize...surely I won't wait until the night before they come home....surely.

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