It Takes a Village

I feel like I can finally ring in a NEW year and breathe a little easier...at least for the next 6 months!  Today I had my 6 month follow up mammogram and appointment with Dr. Torstensen.  This appointment has been on my radar for a long time- scanxiety is no joke.  We woke up to a snow squall warning-I HATE winter driving- so that added to my morning concern.  I was only almost hit once.  Check in was fast and before long I was back in gowned waiting.  The new gowns were a horrible camel color that looks good on no one (surely ordered by a man). Today my mammogram technician told me that mammograms after surgery are more painful and I can confirm, she is correct.  She took about 453 images on both breasts, which is good I guess. Then I waited for the radiologist to look things over....while I waited I thought to myself- if something comes back at least I know what to expect, I'm a pro.  And then the tech came back and told me they wanted to do an...

 I made myself a (very easy) task list today.  Blogging was one of the four things on it.  I feel like I might still be a little fuzzy...I can't even think of a good title.  I have plenty of time to blog now, so get ready for all of the disjointed fuzziness. Monday-Wednesday, December 2-4: Taught, said goodbyes, dusted my classroom (I bet you can't even tell), rowed, final house and school preparations.  I sat at my counter because my desk was ready to go, I wasn't fully present anywhere.  It felt good to walk out the door on Wednesday, no pomp and circumstance, but ready to get the show on the road. Thursday, December 5:  I had to report to Mercy West Hospital at 10:00, surgery was at 11:30.  I could drink clear liquid and was assigned to drink gatorade 2-3 hours before surgery (ERAs protocol-I'm not sold.).  We got Nolan up and on the bus, and then oddly went back to bed for an hour.  I've been eerily calm for both surgeries, then I sh...

 My friend Jody sent me a text telling me that my "blog has been so boring. I'm assuming that's great news and you are well."  It's true!  I am well!  I also closed my blog tab on my computer and apparently it's out of sight out of mind! Let's see... since October 10 I:  attended the Boy Scout Turkey Feed, had some fun eating and crafting with "The Aunties," enjoyed the apple orchard, rowed a bunch, spent a weekend shopping in Minneapolis, attended my first NBA game, went to Jason's uncle's funeral, did Halloween activities, drummed, voted (screamed at the country for how they voted), had some therapy, went to the new Top Golf, attended Nolan's choir concert, enjoyed 3 days of Orff in Des Moines, Exile snow globe, dyed my hair pink, had Thanksgiving with my parents and attended a couple movies. Truly, I am well.  Since my last post on October 10 I have thrown myself into life as usual WITH extra surgery preparations.  My hysterectomy ...

6 months ago today was Diagnosis Day.  It's interesting to me how much it feels like life has changed in 6 months.  I'm one of the lucky ones, on the "downhill side" of my diagnosis after "only" 6 months.  I had a lumpectomy, and twenty rounds of radiation, and am now on my "maintenance" medication.  I've felt more love than any other time in my life, and have had an opportunity to reflect on my mortality and what my priorities REALLY are.  (Now, while there have been some silver linings, I wish that diagnosis phone call on NO ONE!) What am I doing to celebrate today?  Going to school.  Helping at ESOL night.  Eating leftovers.  Being normal!  But, this will be on my mind, I will reflect and be gentle with myself. To mark the passage of time I also moved my card basket of notes, encouragement and affirmations from the kitchen counter to my bedroom, as well as a stack of recovery coloring and activity books.  I'm not totally ready to...

This morning was our flu shot/COVID vaccine clinic at school.  I handed the woman the paperwork I filled out on Friday and said I needed to have both vaccines in my left arm.  She said, "We'll do one in your left and one in your right."  I said, "I'm a lymphadema risk and I need both vaccines in my left arm."  She shut up really fast and told me she'd spread them out a little. Why is this bothering me so much!?!  It was three minutes of my life on a Monday morning, this isn't a big deal.  But also...listen to me!  Don't just assume you know better than I do!  Also, it already sucked to have to remember this new fact of life, so don't make it harder than it needs to be! Also WHINE!  I don't WANNA have to remember this and remind people for the rest of my life!  And now I just want to go home.

 Today was a weird day.  Since my diagnosis almost 6 months ago, 3 of my friends have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Hearing of their diagnosis', definitely hit different than it did BC (before cancer).  I've learned that while every diagnosis, story and treatment plan is different, this is certainly a sisterhood.  The survivors before me have been, and continue to be, invaluable to me during my treatment/maintenance, and I've tried to be that to my friends.  Today one of them had a lumpectomy.  I woke up thinking about her, and checked my phone/Facebook for updates on surgery during every free moment I had. While it allowed me time to reflect on what a yucky experience the waiting must have been for family and friends, I didn't enjoy it!  I dare say it was easier being the patient (on surgery day)than someone concerned about the patient!   I am SO thankful for my SISTERS who have reached out to me, answered questions, given me REAL...

 I've been MIA from the blog because I. have. nothing. to. write. about!  That's a good thing!!!  Things are going well!  The school year is in full swing.  Routine is such a GOOD thing for me....if only I could force myself to get into a routine during the summer because I DO also like not working.  I'm rowing 3 times a week.  I'm thinking about planning for my absence in December- mostly about what I need/want to get in before I go, and have ready for when I get back.  I have a good lead on a super-qualified music sub....which has made me feel a lot more peaceful about everything (maybe now worrying they'll want to keep her😍)...more on that once it's official.  :-). 

That's certainly a CRUDE title...but it made me giggle as I wrote it.  (I would blame it on the 13 year old I live with rubbing off on me....) Wednesday was our first early out of the school year.  I tried to get as many appointments taken care of BEFORE school started so that I could be present during PD and not have to write sub plans.  When I met with my OBGYN about my hysterectomy consult, she'd told me to call and get on the schedule, and said I could always cancel if needed.  WELLLLLL....I tried that but ended up having to make an appointment to sign. consent. forms.  Really?  A quarter day to sign forms?  Yup.  AND she made me step on the scale and have my blood pressure taken.....for forms.  ANNOYED.   I did ask if the cramping I've been experiencing could be from the Lupron and Anastrozole, and Dr. Masse said, "hmmmmm.  Not usually.  When's the last time you had an ultrasound?"  LORD.  "14 years ago."...

Last week was normal.  As I wrote last Sunday, I hadn't had a "normal" week with no doctor appointments or early out schedules since the last week in FEBRUARY!  That's a long time.  Routine is good for me.  I felt good, I enjoyed doing my thing.  Brookview is a little smaller this year, and I'm taking that as a gift, at a time when I need my schedule to be kind to me.  Susan taught us an amazing parachute routine that I, in turn, taught to my 3rd, 4th and 5th graders during their second music class.  I think it brought us all A LOT of joy.  As did my new beet Squishmellow for the younger kids. My goal, right now, is to row 3 times a week.  I rowed on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday after school.  It helped me have more energy and stay out of the pantry (after school is my witching/binging hour).  Wednesday I had a WEA meeting, and Friday Jason and I met for happy hour.  Friday I was also in bed at 7PM!  That might be a new re...

We survived the first day of school, complete with babysitting our nephews in the evening.  This might have been one of those "yes's" that sounded better at the time.  But they're cute and funny, and Jason and Nolan worked harder than I did.  I only got my teacher voice out once....no helmet negotiation with Auntie Ann.  I also started Anastrozole on Friday night. Saturday we slept late and relaxed, I went to Moulin Rouge with Allison and Ray (I LOVE it when they need to adopt me!).  Fun music, LOVE the dancing, entertaining show, great company. Last night I may have (?) experienced my first hot flash as I was trying to fall asleep.  It felt like pins and needles and heat in an instant.  It didn't last long, but wasn't comfortable.  Stay tuned on the menopause saga. I'm going to start this next part by saying that I am a believer in and fan of science and Western medicine.  That said, I'm also game for things that can't hurt, and may actually...

What a week!  One more day, the biggest day.  This week was a full week of school- work days and meetings.  I've actually felt pretty ready and relaxed with it all, but a little distracted. Monday we celebrated Mom's 70th Birthday with Casey's pizza and ice cream cake...she knows how to party.  I made her Shutterfly books from our trip, and I was so excited to gift them! This week I had a hysterectomy consult.  I really liked Dr. Masse, I learned about the procedure and recovery.  Now I have to decide if I want to get on the schedule.  She suggested, if I had a time in mind, to schedule it and cancel if I changed my mind.  In my head I would like to do this the Monday before Thanksgiving,  so I'd need lesson plans for 3.5 weeks instead of 6.  Perhaps the highlight of this visit....I GOT TO KEEP MY CLOTHES ON! I also had a baseline bone density scan.  Because the new medication I'm on will shut down my ovaries and the anastrozole tha...

 A quick update from the last 4 days...I probably should have written sooner to get it all off my chest. Thursday, my first day of school, was a lot harder than I was expecting.  I felt dread, I was grumpy, cynical, not really ready/expecting the puppy dog "how are you" eyes. (Gasp! You mean not everyone reads this daily!) And I missed Amanda.  A friend and a friend's mom were recently diagnosed with cancer, and I'm finding new diagnosis are kind-of triggering.  It was nice being with my team, lunch was great, as was working in my room.  Nolan had a good time with Jason's parents at the fair.  I rowed after work, and it kicked my ass.  That night I had a good meltdown.   Friday, I woke up tired, but in a better place than Thursday.  I had a lot of time to get good work done.  I'm also asking myself questions like, "Who am I doing this for?" and "Do I really I want to live in could and should?"  Nolan went to the fair with my mo...

A question that feels too complex to answer. My summer was great! I....     - went to a bunch of Nolan's baseball games     - spent a lot of quality time with lots of different friends     - celebrated our 19th anniversary, while Nolan was in Washington, D.C.     - went to Cedar Rapids for Taste of Kodaly     -started therapy     -had the trip of a lifetime to Europe with Jason, Nolan and my mom     -drummed with a Master Drummer for an entire weekend     -won a (runner-up) Excellence in Education award     -enjoyed alone time     -hosted a couple of fun, yummy gatherings     -went paddle boarding and kayaked     -turned 42     -had a lot of great naps     - enjoyed Adventureland, Board and Brush and a golf outing     -tried a new workout     -read/listened to 16 books     -all of the medical professionals keep telling ...

 My dad had his shoulder replaced today.  While the surgery was delayed due to weird hospital things, it sounds like the surgery was a success.  He's requested no visitors (besides mom), so I'll see him when he gets home tomorrow.  It will feel like a long recovery ahead for him. I met with the medical oncologist's nurse practitioner today and had labs...then I had my first shot of Lupron...in. my. ass.  Which will shut down my ovaries, putting me into medically induced menopause.  She told me I may start to feel side effects in as soon as two days.  In 2 weeks I will start anastrozole....2 weeks is August 23.  The first day of school.  The ARNP told me that she had an ISU professor that had such brain fog on anastrozole for the first few months that she couldn't teach.  That won't be me.  Surely.  Zero side effects (except no period....that one I like.) One of my Brookview friends randomly checked in this morning, and it was i...

 I feel them today!  They're in there. My physical today was fine.  She gave me a lot of time, and did some blood work for my school wellness program.  And me....I guess it's good for me to know those things, too.  Therapy was good too- I just talk and reflect, I think it will help hold me accountable for my reflections. (Exercising, remembering that I'm replaceable at work, but not home, circle of control, WEA membership is not directly related to people not liking me, etc.) I started thinking and wondering about how many medical appointments I've been to this summer. Days in Summer (last day of teachers-first day of teachers)- 75 Days Appointments with medical professionals- 43 (5 of those were Nolan's, 1 was mom's, 37 were mine, 20 of which were radiation) That makes me feel EVEN MORE THANKFUL that the timing of this "adventure" happened when it did.  We would have made it work if I were in school because there would have been no other choice, but i...

First, my tender skin still hurts, but I'm managing.  Jason brought me one of those silly neck fans from the camping stuff last night....as a joke.  You can use your imagination but it worked and it made me laugh.  Second, today I was brave and went to a new workout place, alone, where I didn't know anyone...and I didn't die.  Every time I ask a doctor what I should do to prevent symptoms, possible bone density issues, etc. that come with my impending medically induced menopause they've said exercise and strength training.  UGH!  I KNOW!  STOP YELLING AT ME!  I really don't enjoy exercising.  At all.  Or sweating.  I've had a few stints in my life while doing Couch to 5K and 21 Day Fix when I actually craved it, but those stints have been few and far between.  It's time.  It's past time.   I was intrigued about Iron and Oars in Waukee, which is owned by a Scout mom.  I sent her a big long email sharing my wh...

 I should map out my pity party days and see if there's a pattern.  I thought the hard stuff was over.  Today was NOT my favorite day.  I was tired and (TMI alert), the peeling under my boob is getting worse and it hurts, as does my armpit.  Enough that I couldn't bear to put on a bra so I skipped drumming.  I maybe needed a day to not leave the house. All I wanted to do was lay on my bed with a fan blowing on the burn.  So that's mostly what I did.  I read and napped and whined.  My friend, Arynn says the next 2 weeks are the worst.  Why didn't the doctors tell me that!?!  :-( I did come to life for a while this evening, so the house is ready for another week.  I see 6 doctors this week.  I'm sick of doctors.  Tomorrow is a new day.  OBGYN at 9AM.   

 Radiation is done!  4 weeks, 5 days a week!  No zapping or sizzling sounds.  The first 3 weeks were of the entire breast and lymph node area, the last week was just of the tumor site and actually took longer.  But even the longer days I was in and out within 15 minutes.  Curious about radiation?  I give a rundown below. Every day Ryan or Anna came and got me in the waiting room (today I had my entourage), I changed and always put my things in the orange locker.  (For Nolan's hair.)            Then there was another waiting space with Wine Enthusiast magazines from last fall...but they were always so fast, I never had time to tuck in.  I should have taken a picutre of how thick the door and walls are to the radiation room.  It is, in fact, also the storm shelter!  This is the radiation machine.  I laid on the "bed" (plastic board covered in a sheet) and it moved up and could adjust if I was not per...

 When am I considered cancer free?  Or was that May 15 after surgery? When am I "done" with cancer treatment?  After the last radiation? After I get my first Lupron shot?  Never? I need to send an email to building reps!  ASAP! I'm hungry. How will bus duty work with classes starting at 9? OMG!  Jason's initials are JD! Should I get up and write these things down now?  Go to the guest room and read? Oooh Strands and Connections are new!   Ugh, apparently my brain is too tired for Connections, just not tired enough to sleep. Should I get my radiation techs goodbye/thank you gifts?  Crap!   Would they let me take pictures of the room? Will I ever fall alseep? Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird......